The Church of Euthanasia
Today's reading is from chapter two of Our Plundered Planet, by the eminent
zoologist Fairfield Osborn:
Man, then, has exchanged the safety and flexibility of generalized
which since his primitive days have largely contributed to his survival,
for extreme specialization. Through the development of the physical sciences,
funneled into vast industrial systems, he has created and continues to create
new environments, new conditions. These extensions of his mind-fertility
and his mind-restlessness are superimposed, like crusts, on the face of the
earth, choking his life sources. The conditions under which he must live
are constantly changing, he himself being the cause of the changes. In this
metamorphosis he has almost lost sight of the fact that the living resources
of his life are derived from his earth-home and not from his mind-power.
With one hand he harnesses great waters, with the other he dries up the
water sources. He must change with changing conditions or perish. He conquers
a continent and within a century lays much it into a barren waste. He must
move to find a new and unspoiled land. He must, he must--but where? His
numbers are increasing, starvation taunts him--even after his wars too many
are left alive. He causes the life-giving soils for his crops to wash into
the oceans. He falls back on palliatives and calls upon a host of chemists
to invent substitutes for the organized processes of nature. Can they do
this? Can his chemists dismiss nature and take over the operation of the
earth? He hopes so. Hope turns to conviction--they must, or else he perishes.
Is he not nature's "crowning glory"? Can he not turn away from his creator?
Who has a better right? He has seemingly "discovered" the secrets of the
universe. What need, then, to live by its principles?
Dear brethren, the Great Purification is almost at hand. The Chinese and
French nuclear explosions are the glove-slap, the shot across the bow, the
beginning of the final battle. Fernando Pereira stirs from his watery grave,
as the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty smolders in the ashes of Muroroa.
Already President Clinton scrambles to take advantage of the situation;
soon America too, will resume "testing." Are the Humans incapable of restraint?
Are they truly programmed to destroy the Earth? Must the Earth rise up
against the hostile aliens? Is there to be no reasoning with them? Did
the Hopis address the United Nations General Assembly for nothing?
Long ago, the Hopis predicted "If we dig precious things from the land, we
will invite disaster." See how the whales beach themselves, and crop circles
form in the fields; Mother Earth is crying, and who is to blame? Who ripped
her open? Who looted her treasures? Who stripped her bare and blindly tore
into her flesh, crying out for more? The Humans have invited disaster, and
disaster has come. Fundamentalists thunder that the apocalypse is near.
They are fools; their apocalypse has already begun. All that remains is
the question of degree. How much suffering do the Humans really want? How
much of the Earth must they lay waste in their last spasm of self-destruction?
Even now, on the threshold of annihilation, the choice is still yours.
Your leaders say that to win in battle, you must know your enemy; I say to
each and every one of you, "know yourself."
Let us pray:
Great Spirit, I am unworthy;
My species has disgraced itself.
Of all the species that live, or have ever lived,
Mine is the lowliest.
Lower than the flowers who fill the air with sweet pollen,
Lower than the trees who encircle the Earth with their roots,
Lower than the insects, rulers of Earth
Since the beginning of time,
Lower than the darting fish,
Lower than the soaring birds,
Lower than the four-legged creatures,
Who are the beating heart of the living Earth.
Great Spirit, my shame is as deep as the ocean,
And my sadness is unbearable.
I pray for enlightenment,
But fear that my prayer is too late.
Great Spirit, if this be so, then I pray for extinction.
Let my species become extinct, and vanish from the Earth.
Let my loins be barren,
Let my seed not sprout,
Let the race of men fall like leaves.
Let my fields grow wild,
Let my fences crumble,
Let my cities turn to dust, and become forests.
Let the grass drink my blood;
Let my body be food for worms.
Great Spirit, let me die, that the Earth may live.
[a moment of silence]
Finally, an IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. Thanks to
Pastor Scott in Arizona, we
have a bold new plan. In early December, the Church of Euthanasia will unveil
the world's first suicide assistance hotline! We'll start with a billboard
here in Boston that says:
SUICIDE ASSISTANCE HOTLINE
Helping you every step of the way...
Thousands helped! How about you?
Sponsored by the Church of Euthanasia.
Folks will be able to call up and use their push-button phone to select from
a wide range of helpful and inspirational options:
- Going out like a celebrity
- Techniques from A-Z
- Helpful hints
- Snuff de Jour
- How to become a saint
- Christmas getting you down?
- Etiquette: neatness counts
- For a damn good reason to do it
- For that added measure of courage
- Leave your final recorded message
We can charge up to a $1 per minute for the calls. With a little luck, the
service will MAKE MONEY and we'll be able to set them up NATIONWIDE! Incredible?
Not at all! The local billboard and telephone companies have already agreed
to it! It's legal! It can happen! We CAN make a difference, but we need
YOUR help! To make this dream a reality, we desperately need financial support
from YOU, faithful subscriber and supporter of the Church of Euthanasia!
Even with our tax-exempt discount, the billboard and the telephone set-up
charges will total approximately $800. Are we going to let that stop us?
The SNUFFIT-L mailing list contains over 750 addresses. If each one of
you sends as little as ONE DOLLAR, we'll have enough money to set up the
world's first SUICIDE ASSISTANCE HOTLINE! Make no mistake, this will be
NATIONAL NEWS! Geraldo! Ricki Lake! Reader's Digest! Euthanasia will
become a household word, thanks to YOU! Your contribution is 100% tax-deductible,
so send a dollar, send five dollars, send whatever you can afford, just send
YES! I want to help!