The Church of Euthanasia
Dear brethren, once again our e-sermon will be delivered by a distinguished
guest. To many of you he will need no introduction. It is with the greatest
pleasure that I give you the amazing $aint @ndrew, editor and campus chaplain of
Miskatonic University! All hail Eris!
(microphone adjusting, howling feedback, etc.)
After reading the various material you've sent, I can only commend such an
organization as yours. We've been favoring the concept of mass depopulation via
voluntary actions (such as usage of birth control, acceptance of homo-
and auto-sexuality, legalized euthanasia, and controlled state-sponsored suicide)
for longer than our existence as an organized entity. The sermons and essays
that you include in your outreach are well-written, thought-provoking, and
intelligent. Your responses to letters and actions by those advocating
INvoluntary population control are excellent as well. Keep up the good work!
And fret not in the face of those who tell you to take your own advice. As I've
been telling people for years: "Rest assured, I'll kill myself when I see you've
fulfilled your part. I know I can trust myself to "put out the light",
as Shakespeare would have it, but as for yourself, that I cannot trust."
Unfortunately, there are those that who can not understand that we are slowly
choking ourselves by reproducing as quickly as we can. For those, we can only
hope in showing them the errors of their ways.
I recommend you consider hailing such countries that have negative population
growths. It's a step in the right direction, at least. If people MUST
reproduce, urge them to have at the MOST two children. Having only one child
would be even better, and those who willfully sterilize themselves should be
rewarded. INvoluntary sterilization is a breach of their rights to propagate the
species, but instead of punishing these people, perhaps simply rewarding those
that sacrifice the ability to reproduce, or at least making it socially
favorable for those that do would be a more socially friendly
Think: if all heterosexual couples limited themselves to raising one child
and one child alone, population would decrease. It's not as drastic as may be
needed, but if followed, could possibly eventually clear our quandary. This is
strictly for those who feel they MUST have a child. (silly humans, them.)
For those that are heterosexual and can make the moral decision to not condemn
another sentient being to existence (myself included), they follow your one (and
very reasonable!) commandment to the hilt: THOU SHALT NOT REPRODUCE. These
people should be rewarded for their moral decision.
For homosexuals and autosexuals, they should be encouraged in their decision,
not treated in such the manner that they are now. Equal but different to their
heterosexual, non-breeding cousins. Bisexuals should also be treated as equal,
although any heterosexual activity should be treated with the same regards as a
straight heterosexual couple.
Birth control (sometimes called "safe sex") should be available freely to the
public. Usage of condoms, spermicide, diaphragms, and contraceptives for both
male and female should be ritual for any time that the possibility of conception
Abortion should be made legal. It's the woman's choice whether or not to give
up her baby, of course, and while abortions should not become a form of birth
control, it should be made available to women who want one, and such women that
do become pregnant should be encouraged to have an abortion by making
abortions affordable and hassle-free.
Euthanasia (or "mercy killing") should also not be looked down upon. A human
that is incapable of living on his or her own resources due to some physical or
mental incapability should have the right to choose not to burden any other
person for no other purpose than to become a consuming machine. This choice
should be made available first to the patient itself, and if the patient is
incapable of making that decision, to the family or spouse, and if none of these
are present, the medical staff's discretion.
Suicide should be performed with consideration. I liked your list of pointers
on how to do it safely and kindly. It's a personal choice and should always be
made a viable solution. Again, it should be a voluntary action.
Cannibalism, like all of these points, should ALSO be made legal. Good point
on it being flesh already dead! Instead of burying the dead of our race in a way
that the body is preserved, instead, let me propose that bodies of the dead
should be cremated, buried in the ground so that the body can decompose quickly,
donated to medical science, or broken down into its nutrients for use as
food-stuffs. With food shortage being as it is, remember Benjamin Franklin:
Waste not, want not!
Finally, the subject of sodomy. Such acts are illegal in most states right
now, and as far as the justification of it goes: there is none. Acts such as
masturbation, fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal penetration can be enjoyable
experiences to those who indulge in them. The key thing is to do these acts in
a situation where both partners are aware of what they are doing, and in an
environment where they can be performed safely without risk of accidental
pregnancy (and also spread of disease (*).
In other words, your solutions and platforms, if rationally explained, to the
public, both make sense and are feasible as well as further the cause that we are
aimed for: the eventual reduction of the population of humans on this planet.
Good show for trying to tell the world before it's too late!
(*) Sexually Transmitted Diseases: If humans would simply follow the above
points in a rational manner, the threat of AIDS and other sexually transmitted
diseases would not exist. Unfortunately, as a race, we are dumb, ignorant beasts
with no consideration other than simply gratifying our desires. Some may argue
that such diseases are only helping us in our goal in depopulating the world to
a comfortable level. I have to disagree solely on the reasoning that there COULD
BE ANOTHER WAY...
Simply through careful regulation of reproduction, the Church of Euthanasia
could ACHIEVE ITS GOALS WITHOUT EVEN ADVOCATING SUICIDE OR EUTHANASIA! So, even
those that dare say that the CoE has no validation, HEED! If you're unwilling
to kill yourself, at least have the courtesy to consider the other ways you can
help achieve the Main Goal: that of Human Depopulation.
To supply you with a bit of background on our organization, OGYR NETWORK has
been in existence since July of 1991. We've recently released our 20th issue,
which has a grass-roots circulation of approximately 1000 copies per issue. OGYR
NETWORK is our bi-monthly completely self-produced non-profit prophet oriented
magazine that serves a triple function of supplying a forum for SubGenius related
writings and artwork, a comprehensive music/multi-media review magazine that
centers on "alternative" music, and also as a platform for other small press and
small enterprise organizations to advertise and promote their product through us.
Our latest issue (Series III, Issue IV) hailed in at 30 8.5"x11" pages of the
above. Our circulation on the last issue alone has covered 18 states and 4
countries, and cumulatively 47 states and 7 countries (so, in other words, word
of us gets around). We're currently sold in 3 stores, and have been reviewed
favorably in numerous magazines including Fact Sheet 5, Holy Temple Of Mass
Consumption, The Stark Fist of Removal, Industrial Nation, Dark Angel, and
We also have a BBS that is run by a local affiliate of OGYR NETWORK, which
features fringe literature and religious texts of all sorts available for
immediate download. As of now, both e-sermons and both issue 1 and 2 of Snuff-It
have been available on this BBS (called MISKATONIC UNIVERSITY, named after the
H.P. Lovecraft school of the same name) as soon as I received them in email.
As of now, I believe these files have been downloaded in the vicinity of 50 times
or so each, so again, word about you is already being spread by us. MISKATONIC
UNIVERSITY can be dialed at (815) 722 - 1081 from 1200 to 14.4k baud.
$aint @ndrew, Editor and campus chaplain of Miskatonic University
Pope Rev. Dr. Phrederick Quetzacoatl Armageddon, Asst. Editor
Chicago Church of the SubGenius Clench
Local Discordian Cabal of the Greater Chicago Area
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu, Joliet and Chicago
Sacramenstrual Church of the SubGenius
Erisian Movement of Creative Anarcho-Art
Babble On Enterprises
Contact: OGYR NETWORK ($2 cash for sample issue)
snail: PO BOX 53 | PLAINFIELD, IL. 60544
email: email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org
vox: (815) 436 - 7652 [24 hour hotline, voice message]