Church of Euthanasia

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

Human Population:
SAVE THE PLANET
KILL YOURSELF




Snuff It #1


Ask Chrissy


A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to man, nor shall a man wear a woman's garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the lord.

-Deuteronomy 22:5



Dear Chrissy,

I want to get off this crappy planet as soon as possible. I've tried to overdose three times now and each time my parents have caught me and had my stomach pumped. The last time they had me committed to a mental hospital. What am I doing wrong?

-Restrained in Richmond


Dear Restrained,

First of all, you're going to have to get yourself out of that dumpy hospital! Do exactly what they say, take your medication, and tell your therapist whatever he or she wants to hear. As soon as they let you out, run away. Be sure to bring your remaining collection of pills. Head for the most remote area you can find. Deep woods are good, abandoned industrial buildings are even better, but make sure it's somewhere that no one will think to look. Don't forget to take the pills on an empty stomach, or you'll be waking up in a puddle of barf. If you want anyone to find you afterwards, mail them a letter with directions on the way there. Better luck next time!


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