Church of Euthanasia

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

Human Population:
SAVE THE PLANET
KILL YOURSELF




Church of Euthanasia FAQ


Greetings, and welcome to the Church of Euthanasia's FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions). This document was last updated in February 2004.

1. What is the Church of Euthanasia?
2. Where can I find the Church on-line?
3. How do I order stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.?
4. How do I become a member?
5. Do I have to kill myself?
6. I've already procreated. Can I still join?
7. How can I help?
8. What's the best way for me to kill myself?
9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet?
10. How many members are there?
11. Can I distribute or reprint articles from the Church archives?
12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION?

1. What is the Church of Euthanasia?

The Church of Euthanasia is a non-profit educational foundation devoted to restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth. We believe this can only be accomplished by a massive voluntary population reduction, which will require a leap in Human consciousness to a new species awareness.

The Human population is increasing by one million every four days. This is a net increase of 95 million per year, the current population of Mexico. Even major wars or epidemics hardly dent this rate of growth, and modern wars also have tremendous environmental consequences. It is for these practical reasons, as well as moral ones, that we support only voluntary forms of population reduction.

The Church has only one commandment, and it is "Thou Shalt Not Procreate." In addition, we have four "pillars" or principles, which are Suicide, Abortion, Cannibalism and Sodomy.

Note that cannibalism is only required for those who insist on eating flesh, and is strictly limited to consumption of the already dead. Also note that sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation: fellatio, cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in some parts of the United States.

2. Where can I find the Church on-line?

a. world-wide web site

The web site contains everything the Church has ever released, including all issues of Snuff It (complete with color photos and graphics), the complete e-sermons, a resources page with links to Church-approved sites, and an on-line catalog with an order form. This is the best way to experience the Church on-line, particularly if your browser supports graphics. The web site URL is http://churchofeuthanasia.org.

b. ftp archive

If you don't have access to the web, or if you want plain text rather than HTML, try the University of Michigan's ETEXT archive:

ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit

3. How do I order stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.?

The Church of Euthanasia merchandise is no longer available. It was a very successful form of outreach for almost 10 years, but eventually the product line aged, national distributors lost interest, and the merchandise was no longer self-sustaining. Plus we got sick of packing boxes. We apologize for any inconvenience.

4. How do I become a member?

If you choose to not procreate, you're a member already, but why not make it official? Membership includes a life-time subscription to the printed version of Snuff It, a 28-page e-sermon booklet, and a lovely embossed certificate suitable for framing, all for only $10. Make checks payable to:

The Church of Euthanasia
P.O.Box 261
Somerville, MA 02143
USA

We take our one commandment very seriously. Membership implies a lifetime vow to not procreate. Procreation means guaranteed excommunication. There are no exceptions; abortion will be required, period. Of course, such difficulties can be avoided by faithful adherence to the fourth pillar (sodomy).

5. Do I have to kill myself?

Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to, though, wait until after you've joined the Church. That way, you automatically become a saint, without any additional paperwork. Don't forget to leave a note thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate, if you have one.

6. I've already procreated. Can I still join?

Absolutely! So long as you don't have any more. We have a number of members with children, and we even have a member whose son joined too. What's done is done. What matters is your commitment now.

7. How can I help?

The most important way you can help is by not procreating. If you feel comfortable taking the lifetime vow, then you should consider officially joining the Church. It would also very helpful if you could manage to abstain from eating non-human flesh.

You could also make a tax-deductible donation. The Church is exempt from federal income tax under 501(a) and 501(c)(3), EIN 04-324-9910.

Finally, you can help by spreading the word. Talk to people. Proselytize shamelessly. Write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Get on the radio or TV. Be a nuisance. Cause trouble. Piss people off, especially your breeding friends. Carpe diem.

8. What's the best way for me to kill myself?

Please consult the alt.suicide.holiday website.

9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet?

I'll kill myself when I feel like it. Suicide is OPTIONAL, remember? Maybe if people stopped having so many babies, we could build a compassionate, sustainable future, and I wouldn't want to kill myself anymore. Just kidding!

10. How many members are there?

The Church currently has hundreds of card-carrying members who've taken the vow, plus clergy, directors, and thousands of "e-members" on the Internet. We have members as far away as Italy and Latvia, though the majority are still in the USA.

11. Can I distribute or reprint Church propaganda?

All material on the Church of Euthanasia web site is yours to use, in any way you like, with the following important exception: Rev. Chris Korda's music is copyrighted and owned by various record labels. You are permitted to download the MP3 files for your own personal use, but distributing Rev. Chris Korda's music in any other way, without permission from the appropriate record label, is a violation of applicable laws.

12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION?

The Office of Population Research at Princeton University maintains an emergency contraception world-wide web site and toll-free number. Both allow you to get information on the "morning after" pill and other forms of emergency contraception, and then find the clinics, hospitals or doctors nearest you that will prescribe them. Call 1-800-584-9911 or access http://ec.princeton.edu right away. Don't "wait and see what happens." You have 72 hours!

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